Wednesday, July 7, 2010

It Was Only a Matter of Time

Yesterday, at approximately 1:00 pm, I boarded the elevator on the way to the mail room. I carried a large stack of mail.

The elevator stopped a few floors down and the Water Stalker got on. I gritted my teeth. He offered me the use of his empty mail basket. I refused. This was not a date. He must have offered about 6 times. For fuck's sake. What part of "no" does this simpleton not understand? I held the pile of mail tightly to my chest. It was like an adult version of a security blanket.

And then...
The doors opened on 7.
And there stood...
The Walking Litterbox.
I gasped, held my breath. I had successfully avoided this massive smelly son of a bitch for over a year.
It boarded, wearing jeans and a horrible turquoise short sleeve polyester shirt with wrinkles. The wrinkles were on purpose.

I wanted to die.

He stunk up the elevator car immediately. The sickening combination of cat litter, urine and Lysol caused me to hold my breath and stare at the elevator doors.
If the elevator chose to fall and kill us, I would have welcomed it. I would have said, "It's okay. It's for the best."

I'd love to know what I did to cause such horrible karma. I've been good lately, trying to retrain my Asshole New Yorker brain with positive thinking.

Obviously, suppressing all my negative thoughts caused a huge pile up in my universe. The dam must have burst yesterday, sending it all back my way.

Maybe some bitching is good for the soul.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

just learned a few stff but coffee thanks man