Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Diary of a 3 Day Dieter

Day One (Monday)

11:00 am - Decide, after reading brief article on Internet, that it would be a good idea for to revisit the 3 day diet. Express joy at the fact that this version does not include disgusting red beets.

12:00 pm - shun daily salad for something naughty. Go to Good Burger and pig out. Order burger with everything, fries and soda. Contain rage at $12.00 price.

12:10 pm - Blissfully chew away while listening to techno music at Goodburger. Watch European sports footage on their flat screen TV. Wonder what this would be like if I had any friends.

12:30 pm - go to Starbucks and order a brownie. Inhale.

2:30 pm - think about "afternoon snack."

3:30 pm - go to hot bar at deli and fill up small container with shell pasta out of "curiosity."

4:00 pm - finalize shopping list for tomorrow's diet.

6:15 pm - buy items for diet. Total cost: $35.00

6:30 pm - notice that I've forgotten two items on my list.

6:31 pm - make peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

6:35 pm - fuck it, make ANOTHER peanut butter and jelly sandwich because whole wheat bread is not as bad as, say, the delicious potato bread I could have picked up.

7:00 pm - go to the gym.

8:00 pm - go to Gristedes for missing grapefruit juice and saltine crackers

8:15 pm - make protein shake

8:50 pm - make grilled chicken and quinoa. Justify horrific binge by adding chopped onion and garlic to quinoa.

11:00 pm - You know what? Better shove down a third PB&J sandwich, cause the next three days are gonna suck.

1 comment:

Hamamama said...

my kind of dieter!!