Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Please Pass it On

In case you've been living under a rock, you have no doubt heard of the failed Times Square car bomb plot.

Since the bomb maker obviously screwed up, I'd like to give all future bombers some bomb-making advice. Good luck, guys! Feel free to print this out and distribute at the Mosque. Death to the Infidels!

1 wire hanger
72 paper clips
1 cup of white flour
1 cup of water
1 fish
1 cup fruit salad (or one Delmonte Fruit Cup)
1 feather boa
1 whistle
85 rubber bands
2 feet of rope
1 match
1 plastic bucket
1 toy clock

Shape the wire hanger into a J (for Jihad!)

Thread the 72 paper clips over the wire hanger and be sure to bend the end of the hanger so that they don't slide off the other end. The paper clips signify the 72 Virgins you will receive at the end of your journey.

Dip the fish in the water and roll it in flour. Fish are representative of American Capitalist women. Flour is one of the ingredients in bread. American women are fearful of bread as it makes them gain weight. This will curse all American women to obesity for eternity.

The fruit is representative of the evil homosexuals who are plotting to destroy Islam. Put the feather boa on and balance the fruit bowl on your head while blowing the whistle. It is preferred that you do this in front of your cult leader.

The Fruit Dance will prepare the fruit to be sent on it's journey to destroy America!

Create a rubber band ball with the rubber bands and stick it in the mouth of the fish. Rubber bands can cause bruising and pain.

Set the toy clock to 5 am, to signify the fact that we would like the entire world to go back to the 5th century. The toy clock represents the evil American children we hope to eliminate.

Now put the fish and the fruit cup in the plastic bucket, as well as the toy clock. Tie one end of the rope to the short end of the wire hanger while singing "Over the Rainbow," and lower it gently into the center of the bucket. Let the rope hang outside of the bucket.

Light the rope with the match and run down the street with your feather boa on screaming, "Packing Tape! Packing Tape!" repeatedly.

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