Monday, February 22, 2010

Day at the Museum

Today's lesson is "Fantasy versus Reality."

This was my ambitious, original plan for my birthday:

9:00 Shop for stained glass downtown
10:00 Titanic Exhibition in Times Square
11:00 Top of the Rock
12:00 Lunch at Chop't in Times Square
12:45 Metropolitan Museum of Art
2:45 Guggenheim Museum
4:45 Home

And this is how it played out:

9:00 Shop for stained glass downtown store closed for holiday (fuck)
10:00 Titanic Exhibition in Times Square saw it with Larry
11:00 Top of the Rock too cold up there

11:30 head up to Metropolitan Museum of Art - realize that I only have $100 bill on me.
11:42 - bypass Bank of America due to creepy homeless man in ATM vestibule.
11:45 - have crappy breakfast at Subway to break $100 bill
12:15 - arrive at museum, pay full $20 admission like a sucker, take stupid metal button and attempt to find place to clip it where it won't fall off. Give up and shove button in pocket.
12:19 - enter museum
12:20 - fuck, it is HOT in here. Take off wool coat and attempt to find Masterpieces of French Art Deco exhibit.
12:30 - give up finding exhibit on my own, head back to front desk to ask for directions.
12:45 - get lost, frustrated, wonder if I am being watched by security for speed walking in the halls.
1:00 - finally find exhibit. Begin taking pictures with one hand while trying to carry heavy coat in other.
1:15 - overhear guard tell someone to turn of their phone
1:16 - pull out phone, get betrayed by Verizon's stupid "shut off chime." Apologize to guard to who glares at me like I just took a leak in the corner.
1:30 - finish taking pictures, leave Art Deco exhibit
1:35 - find bookstore. Discretely take picture of cover of Art Deco book that surely will be cheaper online.
1:40 - 2:00 - roam aimlessly throughout museum while trying to find the Temple of Dendur.
2:01 - find temple. Rush to sit down due to aching feet.
2:05 - overhear little girl whine, "But only my Uggs will get wet." Slowly turn on camera in the hopes that this little girl will jump into the moat surrounding the exhibit and give me a spectacular photo op and story as she and her family are thrown out by security.
2:06 - hopes dashed when mother overhears and stops her just in time.
2:10 - find cafe, consider eating. Consider how awkward it will be when I end up standing because there are no available seats.
2:15 - flee museum
2:45 Guggenheim Museum Maybe next year


Hamamama said...

loved the entire rundown (Literally LOL by 1:16 PM)...but the biggest question out of the whole itinerary ---a salad on your bday?!? that's the day you deserve something really unhealthy and delicious - like a big, juicy burger or something!! but i admire your willpower and going for subway vs. wendy's or five guys for a burger and fries.

The Warden said...

New Yorkers should NEVER pay full price for a museum fee. Just fold up a few singles and stuff them in the jar while looking distracted. Let the tourists pay for the privilege of crowding up all the good spots!

Chris said...

I know. I hang my head in shame, Mr. Ward. The bitch at the register tricked me. I gave her the twenty and she said, "Are you okay with that?" I didn't have a set price in my head and so I didn't think I had to fucking haggle since I wasn't buying souvenirs on the beach in Mexico.

Lori, I ended up eating a burrito at Qdoba after I got home. SO satisfying.