Thursday, July 30, 2009

Pike Place is a Sin

I am in Astoria cutting glass. Even though I bitch about never having enough time to cut glass, I allow myself a coffee break after only one hour.

I head to Starbucks, where I recoil at the ugly people that have taken over the seating area. All I see are flip flops, pasty, white, lumpy legs, and shorts that should have been burned at the factory.

"Grande bold, please," I say to the cashier.

"I'm sorry, we don't have any bold right now," he says, but promises that there might be some in about 5 minutes. He doesn't ask me if I want to wait, and there is a lot of skepticism in his voice, as if I just asked him if there were any job openings lined up.

"There are no job prospects now, but they might be the...future?"

After I'm offered Puke Place, I leave, feeling stupid, and go back to the house, vowing not to go near Dunkin Donuts on a Saturday afternoon.

After cutting three of my fingers, I decide that I should pack things up and go back home. I carefully load my backpack with my glass and leave.

It's been over three hours since I had gone to Starbucks, so I try my luck again.

"Grande bold, please," I say to the cashier.

"I'm sorry, we don't have any bold right now," he says.

Again, I'm offered the shitty Puke Place, but this time I tell them, "I don't like Pike Place." It's a subtle hint, because I'm too tired to scream at them.

I leave and go to Dunkin Donuts. As I stand in line, I feel defeated, like I've just been demoted to cleaning lady at my office. (no offense, cleaning ladies)

I take my shitty DD coffee and board the train.

When I get home, I tell Larry. He is also a Puke Place Hater, so he tells me, "Well, start drafting your complaint email to Starbucks."

So I do. Unfortunately, I forget to save a copy, but suffice it to say that I get the point across. I make sure to include to tell them that:

This happened to me twice in one day - in the same location
I had to go to their competitor
I hate Puke Place.

Let's see if they mail me a coupon. If so, I will make sure to redeem it in Astoria.

4 comments: said...

I have no idea what bold and Pike place are, as I purchase Nescafe (decaf) from the supermarket, which generates approximately 100 cups of coffee for the price of 2 Starbucks drinks. said...

....and I don't pay extra for soy milk!

Chris said...

Dirty decaf drinker. Ftoo! said...