Friday, July 17, 2009

Duane Reade: We'll Hire Anyone With a Pulse

I went to the gym Wednesday night. On the way back, I braved the ear-splitting noise inside Dallas BBQ to order some take-out. It was particularly bad, with a group of ghetto teens having a conversation in the take out area that, to an untrained ear, sounded like the beginnings of a fight. It was all in an effort to draw attention to themselves. Well, it worked, because they got my attention. Soon I was hoping an out of control cab would come careening through the glass where they were sitting and pulverize each and every one of them.

As I was rushing down the block toward 9th avenue, I stopped in front of Duane Reade as I remembered to buy shampoo. Finally, I remembered something at the right time.

I found my shampoo and brought it to the register. I put it down on the counter and the cashier said to me, "Da be it?"

Ghetto Translation: "Is that all, Sir?"

I stood there, shocked, until I smiled and said, "Yeah." I was on the verge of laughing in his face, but then I thought, if he talks like that, he might be packing heat.

I walked home repeating this new catch phrase in my head. Da be it? Da be it? Da be it? It's going to be my new mantra from now on. Feel free to use it as you please. I'll be doing impressions for anyone in the New York area for one dollar.

4 comments:

nikoeternal.com said...

dats racist yo

Eddie said...

I totally relate to this post. What could be funnier than mocking the speech patterns of "ghetto" youth? We all know what "ghetto" is code for, don't we? Oh, my, what mirth! All those silly people who overreact at blatant displays of prissy, sanctimonious White privilege just don't know what comedy is...

Whatever planet you come from (you know, the one where glorified fast food and retail outlets are not only frequented by staffed by intellectuals), I wanna move there. On second thought, maybe not.

Chris said...

Ooh, a lecture from a stranger. How fun! Should I go run and hide because the president of the PC police is out in force today with their bullshit "agenda" trying to make me feel guilty?

What's funny is how you are insinuating that people who work in fast food places all talk like this, yet you are trying so hard to make it sound like I am racist because the word "ghetto" gets your panties in a bunch.

pot. kettle. black.

I really don't care to make fun of someone who doesn't care to learn to speak proper English.

And who the fuck says "mirth" today? Did you read that in a book, you pseudo intellectual asshole? Get real.

Da be it for this response, bitch.

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