Monday, June 29, 2009

Two More Reasons I Hate Gristedes

Reason Number 1

On the way to Gristinky's, I calmly advise Larry that it would be in our best interest to walk six blocks to MET supermarket. He turns me down. It takes all of my strength not to grab him by the ear and tell him, "We are not going to Gristinky's. Bad, Larry, bad!"

In the store, we pick up some items for a BBQ. According to the sign on the display, a case of Heineken is $17.99.

Larry picks out a grill brush and I recoil at the price. It is $6.99 and has a two inch handle, which means Larry will get burned when he uses it. Since this seems to be the only option available, I grit my teeth at being ripped off.

At the checkout, the case of Heineken rings up $23.99. Larry corrects the fat cow behind the register. She grunts and snorts while he explains that there is a big sign on the actual beer display. She stomps off to attack and devour a small village verify the price while I hope for a bus to crash through the window and take her out.

As we wait, Larry notices that there are two more styles of grill brushes for sale by the exit. They have longer handles and are far cheaper than the piece of shit he'd picked out earlier.

The "crassier" comes back to the checkout with the manager.

Since the items have already been scanned, Larry tells them that he'd like to swap out the over-priced "sponge with teeth" for the proper grill brush.

The cow snaps, "One thing at a time." Obviously, what she lacks in intelligence, she makes up for in eating prowess.

Reason Number 2

It's a Sunday morning. There is about an ounce of mix left in the carton, prompting an emergency trip to Gristinky's.

At the checkout, the vile cashier asks, "You got a dolla twenny five?"

I pull out my wallet. "I have a five dollar bill."

I don't know why she had to shake me down over a quart of milk. Was she going to fake the transaction and pocket the money after I left? Was she short on change? I'll never know, because she couldn't be bothered to explain why she was asking such a stupid question, so early in the morning.

But then again, she couldn't be bothered to say "good morning" or "thank you," so what the hell was I expecting?

Oh, how I wish I could fart on command.


Hamamama said...

oh how i miss the customer service at gristedes and duane reade...NOT said...

LOL If u didn't go to Gristinky's u possibly wouldn't have entertaining stories like this to tell. Maybe u should go to Met and Gristinky's one day, write a minute-by-minute account for each, and let your readers decide which should be your primary supermarket!