Monday, March 9, 2009

Weekend Update: You Had Me at Hello

I'm at Home Depot with Larry. We're picking up some sheetrock and metal studs for our ongoing renovation. As Larry stands on line, I seize the opportunity to rush over to the tool section because I need a box to organize my mosaic pieces.

Because time is of the essence, I approach a woman sitting at a computer terminal.

"Excuse me," I say.

There is a moment of silence. I start to wonder if she A) is ignoring me, B) doesn't work here or C) is just a prop. She finally turns her head and looks at me as if to say, "And what in the hell do you want?" I wonder how many times I've given this same look to people myself.

Now, call me naive, but for some reason, I was not expecting this degree of outright bitchiness. You'd expect some attitude and laziness at these kinds of stores, but this was the kind of reaction you'd expect after muttering some ethnic slur under your breath after a lengthy battle with the cashier over the price of a toilet seat. I'll bet this one stays single for a long time.

Needless to say, I am thrown by the hostility, so my ability to describe what I need comes out a little "off".

"I'm looking for a little plastic box that I can put, like, small items in, it's got compartments in it, like, for tools..."

"A tool box?" she snaps, condescendingly. I had never felt so stupid an emasculated in my entire fucking life.

Now, in my defense, I know what a fucking tool box is. I was looking for one of these, but I didn't know how to describe it without using embarrassing words like "craft" or "beads." I also didn't know if it would be in the "tools" aisle or with "storage" items.

Fig. 1. Not a tool box.

The fucking bitch points to the tool box area with her pen and I walk away from her, even though I'd like to bury her frigid ass under a pallet of rock salt.

The good news was that I found exactly what I needed. And it was only 4 bucks. Ironically, this exact item would go for about 20 at the Container Store. Go figure.


Glory von Hathor said...

Sheetrock and the Metal Studs would be a great early 90s band name.

Hamamama said...

F the beatch, at least you got what you wanted! F her