Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Goldie McSnaggletooth


I have two items that need to be sent out via messenger. One is a box, weighing about 20 lbs, and the other is a large envelope. When I call the messenger service, I make sure to tell them about both items.

About an hour later, Goldie McSnaggletooth comes to my reception desk.

"Pickup?" she snarls. Whenever I look at her, the first thing I notice is her ugly gold tooth. She has other teeth, but this one is just begging for attention. Then I notice her hideous penciled-in eyebrows, bloodshot eyes, her flat weave, her massive hoop earrings (it's 2009, not 1989, stupid) and her attitude. She's a beast, and her attitude just puts her over the top. I can't fucking stand her.

Before I can say anything, she sees the box on the counter. "Both these?" she grunts.

"Yes, the box and the envelope."

She lifts the box, then drops it back down on the expensive marble. I fight the urge to get up and backslap her into the couch.

"Oh, my GAD that heavy!" she complains, rolling her eyes and making a face as if she just threw out her back.

She decides to lie.

"Nobody told me about the box, just the envelope."

"Really? Well, I called them in at the same time. They know about both of them."

"I don't know. They ain't tell me about no box," she says, trying to get out of it.

"I spoke to one person and told her about a box and an envelope."

She shucks her tooth, as if to say, "No."

"Okay, then," I say, now typing away, not even looking at her as she fills out her little form.

She should know that as soon as she leaves (sans box), I'll be on the phone with her superiors, ripping them a new one.

Somehow, she senses this and takes the box.

"Thank you," I say to her as she leaves - and gives me a new entry.

3 comments:

Hamamama said...

Love the green sweatshirt - I knew she would be wearing one! :)

Christopher said...

I think for this year's Halloween costume, I may go as Goldie McSnaggletooth.

Jim said...

"Liar, liar, weave on fire."

I am now singing that in my head...