Friday, December 26, 2008

George Kostanza Would Be Proud


What do you do when someone is unwilling - or unable - to take a hint?

You fuck with their heads.

Click Read More to continue

I'd been getting phone calls and emails from a woman I'll call "Stubborn Goat." They were in regards to a travel agency looking for our business.

My company is not looking for a new travel agency, so this woman quickly became a pest. I ignored her emails, and when she called, I put her on hold indefinitely, transferred her into oblivion, or simply hung up. I decided against talking to her because A) sales people are rabid animals who foam at the mouth the second they hear a human voice, B) they won't take no for an answer and C) I did not initiate this contact.

This went on for months, but because it was so sporadic, it was almost fun.

The calls increased in frequency in December, and I'd do as I always did - transfer the call to a coworker who would attempt to screen them. They'd just say, "Oh, I'll call back later."

I decided I had to give her the old heave ho.

I still had an old email from Stubborn Goat, so I clicked REPLY and wrote:

From: Chris XXXXXXXX [XXXXX:XXXXXX@XXXXXX.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 09, 2008 3:26 PM
To: s.goat@morons.com
Subject: RE: travel information

We have just signed a long-term contract with another agency. Please remove us from your contact list.


Now, you'd think this would be the end of it, right?

From: Stubborn Goat [mailto:s.goat@morons.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 09, 2008 3:29 PM
To: Chris XXXXXXXX
Subject: RE: travel information

Hi Chris,

Apologies I was under the impression that you had been evaluating our services for this purpose. What agency did you pick?

Best Regards,
Stubborn


I walked over to my coworker's cube after forwarding the email to her.

"This is none of her business, but I think I should lie to her to throw her off. What should I say? Clorox Travel agency? Paper Clip Travel Agency? I have to get rid of her."

"Travelocity?"

"Ooh, that sounds good. Maybe I should just ignore her. I don't know."

So, I went back to my computer and wrote:

From: Chris XXXXXXXX [XXXXX:XXXXXX@XXXXXX.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 09, 2008 4:00 PM
To: s.goat@morons.com
Subject: RE: travel information

Van De Leigh Travel Corporation

My coworker practically pissed her pants when I sent it to her.

I never expected a reply. Would you?

Forty one minutes later...

From: Stubborn Goat [mailto:s.goat@morons.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 09, 2008 4:41 PM
To: Chris XXXXXXXX
Subject: RE: travel information

I’m sorry we didn’t get the chance to present our services. I am not familiar with Van De Leigh, perhaps this is an independent person part of a larger corporation or just a very small travel agency. Regardless, XXXXCorp is the 4th largest agency in the US comprised of many private corporations so the discounts and free software that we offer companies who do over 100k in travel is quite substantional yet with a focus on customer service which makes us quite unique. I thought you might be a good fit and if you do fit this profile and are not receiving complimentary upgrades and the discounts we offer, please let me know. I am attaching further information for your files. Thanks again for your time!

Best Regards,
Stupid


She's only a few blocks from my office. It's only a matter of time before she shows up at my desk.

3 comments:

Elaine said...

Maybe the dingo ate your baby

Kramer said...

You are brilliant, my son...brilliant!!

Jerry S. said...

and you want to be my latex salesman!!