Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Actually, I Was Serious, But Don't Tell Him

Jesus Christ.

I am a member of a message board for my neighborhood. Over the years, I've noticed that the bulk of the people on that site are incredibly uptight. The second you make any kind of politically incorrect remark or joke, the PC police come out to scold you and put you in the corner. It really sucks the fun out of the room.

You can imagine the fights I've gotten into there.

So, today, someone posted a story that read like this:

There’s a woman in who has a big ugly dog – or rather – there’s a big ugly woman who has a dog. In any event, as I am not a dog lover, and as I believe when a bldg is supposed to be “no animals”, I really get annoyed at the people who believe the rules don’t apply to them.

I was waiting for an elevator this morning and when it arrived and the door opened there was this woman with the big dog. I didn’t want to be in a closed elevator with this ugly dog (or the animal) so I stepped back to wait for the next elevator. I didn’t say a word. In fact, I never have said anything to this woman, but she hurled a loud “fuck you” at me. Now I really wish they would get the law enforced so people who break the rules think that the ones who follow the rules are in the wrong.

I have zero tolerance for hostile neighbors, so I wrote (jokingly):

She sounds like she's off her rocker. Personally, I HATE getting in elevators with big dogs, because they start to sniff and get too close. And the owners NEVER pull them back. They think it's cute.

I don't understand why she was insulted. She should be happy that she had the elevator all to her nasty self. You should bust her any way you can. Maybe wait until you get a cold and go cough on her doorknob.

And what's weird is how she cursed at you - as if she'll never see you again and just got away with it. Freak.

A third person quoted what I wrote and said:

With all due respect, I assume that you are joking about coughing on her doorknob.

I feel like writing, "With all due respect, I assume that you have a stick up your ass the size of the Washington Monument."

I'm not one of those people who feels they have to write "LOL" or "just kidding" after every joke. Either you get it or you don't. Not my problem, kids.


Hamamama said...

i have faith in you -- you gotta respond back to the beatch.

Steven said...


Jim said...

"with all due respect..." which actually means I have none for you.

1Letterman said...

My response?

Of COURSE I was just kidding about coughing on her doorknob.

YOUR doorknob is where I cough, urinate, and ejaculate. Doing that to her doorknob would make you less special to me.