Monday, October 13, 2008

If You Want it Done Right...

Dear Clinton, Tile Installer -

As a mosaic artist who works with pieces as small as 1/4 inch square, I think I need to say Thank You.

Thank you for "eyeballing" the mosaic floor tiles and not using any spacers, you dumb fuck. Thank you for recommending that we tear up the old floor tile, but not pouring self-leveler. The dips, valleys, ridges, and slanted tiles have convinced us that the floor in the Parthenon is in better shape.

Thank you for that chipped wall tile that you installed in the shower, because you couldn't be bothered to cut another, as if you were concerned about waste (though you'd never know it by the endless piles of used and cut tiles all over the place). Is this your signature? Random, chipped tiles installed so that the homeowner will have something to remember you by every time they take a shower?

Thank you for the single white tile that is threatening to pop out of the shower ceiling.

Thank you for not telling your assistant to shut the fuck up and work, rather than talk endlessly about Jesus Christ, while throwing tools all over the place.

Thank you for convincing me that my cat could do a better job than you did. Thank you for continuously saying, "I want it to be perfect," and then showing us the opposite.

Thank you for shooting yourself in the foot, because we're not going to recommend your sorry ass to anyone.

If anyone can recommend an appropriate punishment for Clinton, please leave it in the comments.

2 comments: said...

UM......I hope u've taken pictures and are bringing his ass back to fix it all!

Chris said...

Yes and yes (today, as a matter of fact).