Friday, October 24, 2008

Everything But the Orange Jumpsuit

I took a few days off this week to assist with the apartment renovations. And let me tell you, I would have rather been at work. You have to watch those two stupid workers all day long or they will screw up the whole job and you won't know it until it's too late. Now I know why Larry has less hair now than he did when all of this started.

Here it is by the numbers.

Day 1

5 trips to the nearby hardware store for plumbing parts
1 new murphy bed
1 chipped bathroom mirror
1 bizarre meeting with stone manufacturer
1 trip to Home Depot
4 heavy bags of grout
1 free bag of grout, courtesy of lazy cashier
2 cups of coffee
5 Mexican tiles removed and reinstalled
1 disgusting meal at Boston Market
1 broken expensive marble saddle
2 workers, dumb as a box of hair
1 deliberately long solo trip to Bed Bath and Beyond
2 hallways to vacuum
10 hours of eye rolling

Day 2

1 trip to coffee shop
1 celebrity spotting (Was that Rufus Wainright?)
20 minutes paint stripping
10 minutes wood stripping
1 delayed trip to Home Depot
1 window booth at diner for late lunch
1 cranky waitress + 1 cranky Larry = comedy gold
30 lbs of make up on said waitress
1 disgusting reuben sandwich
10lbs of regret
1 horribly ugly diner bathroom
6 sheets of plywood for cabinets
1 dopey worker with no concept of measurement
25 minutes for said dopey worker to cut said plywood into smaller pieces
1 bitchy cashier and 1 misplaced credit card = 1 ton awkwardness
1 broken car cigarette lighter
1 malfunctioning navigation device
1 explosive, in-car fight with Larry over navigation device
2 Mexican tiles chipped by retarded worker and a crowbar
1 less worker expected for Friday
1 new bathroom vanity gently eased into position
1 frustrating crack in bathroom vanity from manufacturer
1 awkward, nosey question from doofus worker (Do you live here too?)
2 hours cleaning up completed downstairs bathroom


joe*to*hell said...

"2 Mexican tiles chipped by retarded worker"

i see the problem! you have it backwards - the worker should be mexican, not the tile! said...

dumber than a box of hair huh? lol