Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Weekend Update 3: Where Can I Buy Mace?

After a fast and furious mosaic session in anticipation of the London Terrace Street Fair, I'm on the N train to Manhattan.

I'm sitting on the end seat by the door. Sitting directly across from me is a blonde woman, and on the other side of me are two thugish looking men.

At 30th avenue, the doors open and a group of kids gets on - one girl and four guys. The girl sits next to the blonde, and the three guys stand, all while continuing their conversation. Immediately, one of them stands out, not necessarily because of what he's wearing, which is an ugly argyle sweater with skinny black jeans and oversized black sneakers, but because of his big, fat, screeching mouth.

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Even with my iPod blasting away, this little queen's voice is really distracting. I try to give him the evil eye, but I can't get enough bars. I've wasted most of my evil eye powers on my mother's bitchy tenant earlier in the day.

Queeny McArgyle Sweater laughs constantly, accompanied with exaggerated girlish mannerisms, lots of thigh-slapping, spinning around, hip-shaking, hooting, hollering, and head bopping.

I want to kill her him. He wants the whole world to notice him - and they do - especially the two scary thugs next to me. I hope that I don't get any blood splatter on me when they get up and beat the shit out of him.

But my suffering is nothing compared to the suffering of the blonde woman, who is unfortunately right in the middle of it all, as if part of their group. She sits there, suffering, occasionally looking at me. I look back as if to say, "Just get the hell up and move, stupid." The Queen hovers over her the whole time, violating her personal space and covering her in spittle.

Stupid Idiot Blonde sits with her head down, massaging her temple with her right hand and clutching her purse with her left.

Finally, Queeny McArgyle Sweater and his crew get off at Times Square and I turn off my iPod so that the ringing in my ears stops.

Here is a screen shot from the surveillance camera.


6 comments:

nikoeternal.com said...

Vive les illustrations!!!!!!!
Zhto h Ellas!!!!
H Makedonia einai Ellhnikh!

nikoeternal.com said...

Vive le revolution!

nikoeternal.com said...

Evitaaaaaaaaaa Evitaaaaaaaaaaa Evitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Chris said...

I'm glad you like. I have at least one more subway-themed illustration up my sleeve. It is the most insane one yet.

Steven said...

"I'm so flaming, you can see me from space."

Oh. My. God.

The picture is still making me laugh.

Skeet said...

Your blog is so awesome! I have a friend who is just like Queeny McArgyle Sweater, so I totally understand where you're coming from. I just wish I could turn him off some days! I am still laughing my ass off at your description him! Friggin' hilarious!