Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Weekend Update 3: Dorky McBrittle Hair

I'm on the train to Astoria (for the 6,895th time). All is quiet, until we get to Queensboro Plaza, where about 20 kids get on, all about 13 years old. Gross.

Instantly, the noise level is amplified, but these kids are actually pretty tame and mostly well mannered. I don't really mind them at all.

As the train takes a sudden turn, all the kids scream in tandem, falling all over each other.

They will be getting off at Astoria Boulevard. How do I know this? Because one of the teachers comes though the crowd and tells all the kids, "Astoria Boulevard. Astoria Boulevard, okay?" She is perky, insanely skinny, and homely. Her dry, brittle, tightly curled hair is a mini-rainbow of red, gray and brown. It goes perfectly with her pasty, wrinkled white skin and dowdy, shapeless olive-green clothes and gray sneakers. I imagine she owns about 12 cats and lives alone.

Instantly, I know this is the "unpopular" teacher, because she proves it right away as soon as she tries to make small talk with the two Indian girls next to me.

"I was on the train today, and I didn't know how to use the brace, so I was like 'Whoa! This is crazy! Because I always drive and I never take the train so I was just flying all over the place! Whoo!"

What a fucking dork. Especially for calling the pole a "brace."

She has decided that her story would be more interesting to the unimpressed girls if she did an visual demonstration, pretending as if the incredible G forces were throwing her around like a rag doll. She makes a complete fool of herself and I am there to see it all. Even though she looks like a complete moron, I imagine that her reenactment is exactly how it happened.

The two Indian girls look at her, then look away, embarrassed. The teacher decides that she'll just pretend they didn't just ignore her, so she looks out the window.

There is another teacher on the train: a younger, vastly more attractive muscular man with a baseball cap. He has the attention of all the kids around him. He is the polar opposite of Dorky McBrittle Hair.

As the train gets closer, Dorky tries to fulfill her teacherly duties by going though the crowd to tell the kids that they're almost at Astoria Boulevard. I watch as she tries to make eye contact with an Asian girl who is flipping though a magazine, as though this were a doctor's office. Either she doesn't know the girl's name or she's afraid of her because she gives up and moves on.

Here is a screen capture from the surveillance camera.

3 comments: said...

LOL don't hate on Miss Dorky just because she gets to see vastly more attractive muscular man every weekday.

Chris said...

I knew you would go there.

Steven said...

Please include these pics in all your posts.

I can't stop laughing.