Tuesday, September 23, 2008

How to Tell if You're a Neurotic Crackpot

Because we have two dishwashers, our plan is to get rid of the lesser machine via charitable hand because we like to give things a second home whenever possible.

Larry calls a neighbor on Saturday night and offers it to her. She stops by, and after some very awkward head scratching and deliberating, she asks if we are giving it away, or would like money for it. Larry initially says he'll take $50.00 for it, which is a steal for a one year old machine with very little use. He then says a bottle of vodka would be better. (Taking money from a neighbor sounds a little weird to him, he would later confess.)

She says she'll think about it and Larry says he'll probably have to remove it by Monday, because the electrician is coming on Tuesday. We take a tour of her small apartment and I am amazed that she has the original, 30-year-old stove and dishwasher that came with her apartment when it was renovated in the early 80s. The dishwasher only recently broke down.

The way I saw it, even if she couldn't have it installed right away, she could just store it next to her table - maybe throw a sheet over it to conceal it from guests. At most, her life would be a little out of whack for maybe a week.

As we're driving back from Long Beach on Sunday night, I turn to Larry and say, "So, she never called you back, did she?"


Just then, his cell phone rings. Interesting, I think. You know, we never won that Mega Millions drawing...

Larry answers the phone and I can hear her rambling on and on. A bad sign. How long does it take to say no? About 30 seconds.

It turns out that the little neurotic crackpot simply could not have this dishwasher sitting in her apartment uninstalled. Oh, the humanity! Ideally, she would like us to arrange our schedules so that the new(ish) one could be installed and the old one taken away at the same time.

Three things you should know, Neurotic Crackpot Neighbor:

1. Home Depot is on 23rd and 6th. They deliver.

2. A new 24-inch Frigidaire stainless steel dishwasher is $458 more than the one you just passed up.

3. We're giving the dishwasher to someone a little less fucking neurotic.


Hamamama said...

can you bring it up to the Upper East Side? I'll have the bottle of vodka ready -- thhhaaaaannnnkkkkssss

1Letterman said...

If you're so screwed up you can't take a free dishwasher, something's wrong with you.

Those are words to live by.

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