Thursday, August 14, 2008

Hand Me That Remote

I was watching MTV's NEXT! the other day.

If you've never watched NEXT!, here's a brief synopsis: It's basically a dating show, featuring one eligible dater and five potential matches. The potential mates sit on a bus and are revealed to the dater one at a time. If at any time, the dater disapproves of the potential match, he or she yells out NEXT! This can happen immediately, or 5 minutes into the date. It's usually very embarrassing for them (but entertaining for us).

There are two versions of the show. The "heterosexual" version, which is played all the time, and then the "highly stereotyped, embarrassing gay" version, which seems to only play after 11:30, so as to appease the uptight evangelicals.

The producers of this show seem to cast the gay version by placing ads that read something like this:

CASTING CALL: Overly effeminate, freakish gay men wanted for embarrassing national dating show. Must be extremely over the top, scrawny, bitchy, loud, ugly, and sexually promiscuous. Brain damaged freaks of nature preferred. Normal, muscular, attractive men need not apply.

I mean, how else would you explain the inclusion of an Asian contestant named Paris, who, in addition to idolizing Paris Hilton, dressed like a hooker in full makeup and, when asked how his teeth are so white, replied, "White nail polish!" while pulling a bottle out of his bag purse?

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