Thursday, August 14, 2008
Don't Forget to Sign the Waiver
Over the last week, I've been slowly starting to work out again. The stress of the pending apartment renovations had given me a lame excuse to stay home, eat and feel sorry for myself. In short, I've been living like a pathetic hermit for months now.
But since returning to Bally's Gym and House of Idiots, I've noticed a huge boost in energy (as well as a level temperament). Good ol' endorphins.
So, I'm on the stationary bike, pedaling away and watching Wheel of Fortune on the LCD screen when I see something out of the corner of my eye.
A trainer by the name of Julie had reinforced my disgust for personal trainers when she decided, "You know what, to hell with all the abdominal machines downstairs, I think my client should drop and give me twenty sit ups, right here on the dirty floor in her white tank top just inches away from the speeding treadmills. Besides, it's not like the huge guy stomping away on that treadmill isn't going to lose his balance and come hurtling backward at her, crushing her skull with a size 12 Nike, or that her long hair wouldn't get snagged in the spinning belt just inches away, causing her head to be ripped off and flung about the room, spraying blood everywhere."
There was no accident, but it all seemed like a scene out of Final Destination. A gym member sneezes, farts, or drips water on a piece of equipment, which starts off a violent chain reaction leading to the death of everyone inside as well as millions of dollars in damage (with a couple of fireballs thrown in for effect).
What are these personal trainers thinking? I seriously wanted to walk up to her and say, "You are a fucking idiot. Do you know how stupid you are?"
But I didn't. I just channeled my anger into the pedals on my bike and finished my workout.
I find it incredible that just because these people are wearing tight red "personal trainer" t-shirts, that idiots throw their faith behind them, not even questioning the logic of being forced to do steps on the stairs for exercise instead of, say, a StairMaster.