It's 9:30 and I'm hungry, so I run out to grab some breakfast. When I return to the lobby, I see that the doors to one of the elevator are still open, yet I don't run. I don't want to be the
As I wait for the next one, I see a man coming towards the turnstiles. He wears khaki pants, a blue shirt, a panama hat and sunglasses.
"Stupid hat," I mutter under my breath.
And then, BAM! Instant karma! I see the Walking Litter Box coming though the revolving doors. I want to die. I pray for that rare instance when two elevators come at once.
But only one does.
"Fuck me," I say to myself.
I grit my teeth and enter the elevator, forcing by body into the rear corner of the car. Panama hat guy enters and stands in the other corner. The Walking Litter Box lumbers on and faces the TV monitor. I slam the DOOR CLOSE button and hold my breath.
Here is a still from the surveilance video, colorized for clarity.
The elevator goes up and all is silent, except for the screaming in my head. And the heavy breathing and grunting from the walking litter box.
I know that if I breathe in, I will be overcome with fumes and the breakfast I have in my hand will go right in the garbage.
The doors open at 7 and the WLB gets out. I don't press DOOR CLOSE because I want the car to air out.
I take a tiny inward breath and smell something like Lysol. I look at Panama Hat guy, but he is staring at the screen. He casually takes off his hat and fans himself with it. Is he hot? Or did he just catch a whiff?
He gets off one stop before me and I slam the DOOR CLOSE button because I feel light headed now from holding my breath.
Next time I'll just bring breakfast from home.