Thursday, July 17, 2008

With Apologies to the NYPD

Now, it's common knowledge that homeless people tend to "smell," but what I encountered yesterday was just traumatic.

I see this particular homeless guy almost every day on the way to and from work. He's usually passed out on the sidewalk across from the post office on 31st and 9th avenue. Since there are no stores along that block (or anything else for that matter), it's a haven for the homeless, including one homess woman who always seems to be wetting herself, which tells me alcohol may be to blame in her case.

One evening, I passed this man and happened to look down at him because he looked dead. Suddenly, his eyes popped open and he was looking right at me. This made me think that maybe he was an undercover cop.

Yesterday, that theory flew straight out the window as I was walking to work.

The man was sitting by the gutter, one boot removed. He was looking inside the boot for something. His exposed foot was almost completely black. I cringed at this, but that was nothing compared to the "death smell."

The smell had to have been coming from his blackened foot. I will describe it the best way I know how.

Take an old sneaker from a teenager, add two raw eggs, and one fish. Leave out in the summer sun for approximately two weeks.

Now, multiply the resulting funk by 1,000. There you go.

I saw Stinky McTarFeet this morning, and I crossed the street.


joe*to*hell said...

ever apoplogize to the nypd - they are gross pigs. entitled, self righteous and boorish nasty bastards

Chris said...

Oh no you di-int. My bf is a cop.

Hamamama said...

At my old job, there used to be a "homeless couple" seated by the subway stop with a sign begging for money. But every time I saw them, the woman had a set of well-manicured hands -- red nail polish, pink nail polish w/ decals and even one time a french manicure (more $$)...always made me wonder!!!

Chris said...

You know how many "homeless" people I see with signs that say, "I need 18 dollars for a sleeping bag?"

I want to say, "What a coincedence! The girl across the street needs 18 dollars for a sleeping bag too!"