Thursday, July 24, 2008
What They Don't Tell You On HGTV
Notice for current/future co-op owners:
Planning to renovate your apartment? Combining two studios into a one-bedroom duplex? Here are some tips to help you out!
Make sure that you can afford to wait at least SEVEN to EIGHT months for anything to happen. Expect lots of red tape, unexpected delays, confusion, disappointment and a lot of frustration. In short, fucking chaos.
You will need the cooperation of the following people if you expect to see this through:
- A licensed architect
- A licensed electrician
- A licensed plumber (even if you are only removing an extra stove)
- Your co-op board
- Your co-op board's architect
- Your building's managing agent
- The Department of Buildings
- The city of New York
- God (optional, depending on your beliefs)
It will be a maddening ballet of emails, faxes, open checkbooks, blueprints, prayers, and alcohol.
Also note that at least one of the two architects will play the diva card and refuse to contact the other directly, further delaying the process, even though it just inconveniences them in the long run.
Common side effects of Home Renovations include:
- upset stomach
- nausea / vomiting
- weight gain
- hair loss
- burning sensation in buttocks
- severe mood swings
- thoughts of suicide