Monday, July 28, 2008

The Praying Mantis


ME: (company name ommitted), how can I help you on this beautiful summer day?

IDIOT: Where exactly are you located?

ME: We're at (address omitted).

IDIOT: (attitude) I'm outside (completely wrong address).

ME: Well, we're between 6th and 7th avenues on (street omitted).

IDIOT: (more attitude, frustrated sighing)

ME: (thinking, My God, what an ass) We're on (street omitted) between sixth and seventh avenue. The building name is (name omitted) and there are large brass gates in front.

IDIOT: Um...okay...

(at this point i can't wait to meet this idiot)

ME: We are across the street from (name omitted) Deli.

IDIOT: Oh...okay...bye. (attitude, as though I should come out and find her)

ME: See you soon. Bye. (What I really wanted to say was, "MapQuest, Google Maps, Yahoo... you're lost and you're giving me an attitude?")

About ten minutes later, the elevator dings and out walks a bony, praying mantis of a girl. Instantly, I know this is the Idiot Caller. She is five minutes late for her interview and this makes me happy, as she is doomed already. She has zero personality and never smiles once, even when I direct her back onto the elevator for her interview on a separate floor.

No job for you! Next!

2 comments:

1Letterman said...

I keep a flashlight in my office for people like this.

Then, as they're leaving, I stop them, hand them the flashlight and start my stopwatch.

When they ask me what I'm doing, I tell them the the office has a pool to see if she can find her ass with both hands and a flashlight in 30 seconds and she's already wasted ten.

I love your blog. I HATE Praying Mantis Girl and I've never even met her. Which makes the hate all the sweeter.

Hamamama said...

Amy L?