Thursday, May 8, 2008

Lunchtime Update: Spontaneous Betchfest


12:10 - Leave office. Wait an eternity for elevator.

12:15 - Enter Duane Reade. Speedwalk to rear of store to take escalator up to card section

12:16 - Stand behind ASSHOLE woman (betch #1) who has decided she'll ride straight to the top, and that she'll ignore the man behind her who is so close that she can probably feel his breath on her back. Wait! Cards? Duane Reade? Asshole Escalor Blockers? Deja Vu!

12:20 - Pick out card and head for upstairs registers. Walk straight to waiting cashier (betch #2) who lazily asks if you have a Club Card, but does not offer one to you. (So, they can technically say they "axed" each customer when confronted later by their boss) Note that the words Thank You do not exist in this cashier's vocabulary.

12:21 - Extreme awkwardness alert! Note that "down" escalator is not moving and wonder how Asshole Escalator Blocker must have suffered. See technician working at bottom, peering into hole behind removed panel. Wonder if you should risk the ire of this technician by walking down the escalator. Establish eye contact with technician, who signals for you to wait while he turns it back on, replaces the panel, then waves you down. Feel completely stupid, but make sure to thank technician as you pass at the bottom.

12:25 - Head for Kwik Meal cart for lunch. Notice fat cow of a woman and her ugly friend (betches 3 & 4, respectively) bitching up a storm. Fat cow (Betch #3) ironically decides that her "lamb over salad" did not come with enough salad, so she thrusts it back into the cart opening and demands more. While waiting, she bitches about being taken advantage of. Listen as Betch #4 demands more sauce, and hope the vendor keeps an emergency bottle of spit handy for betches like her. Stare increduously at the both of them and wish for a falling piano.

12:30 - Anticipate spontaneous lunchtime blog entry.

1 comment:

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