Thursday, June 5, 2008

Better Off Barefoot

Once upon a time, there was a man named Chris. One day, Chris discovered a hole in his shoe. Embarrassed, he ventured out at lunchtime to seek out a new pair of shoes, but could not find many shoe stores in Times Square.

After spending most of his available lunchtime at Modell's, (and cringing over their ugly selection) he gave up and headed back to work.

"Damn!" he exclaimed, as he passed a Sketchers store. But it was too late. He had to return to work.

Back at the office, he visited the Sketchers website and quickly found a pair of shoes he liked.

"These will work just fine!" exclaimed Chris. "But," he wondered, "should I buy them online or risk a chaotic lunchtime free-for-all with clueless, camera weilding, Playbook holding tourists at every turn?"

He bravely decided to venture out the next day.

At precisely 12:01 p.m., he put on his sunglasses and swiftly navigated the streets, heading for the sparkling Sketchers store, their massive spinning logo acting like a beacon of hope for our undaunted hero.

"Hi, and welcome to Sketchers!" exclaimed the cheerleader at the entrance. Chris smiled and began to hunt down the shoe he had seen online. To his surprise, it was right there in the front window. It was predestined. Chris was meant to have those shoes, however boring they were.

Chris quickly caught the attention of one of the salespeople on the floor. Jason was eager to help as Chris led him to the front window and happily pointed to his preferred shoe.

"Sure, man! No problem," said Jason.

As Jason navigated the busy salesfloor, Chris stood by and tried to look cool, still having his sunglasses on. He felt very old (and fat) compared to Jason, who was clearly in his early 20s and had a tight swimmers build.

When Jason returned with two boxes, Chris braced for impact. The desired shoe was not to be had, but Jason had thought of Chris, and brought two alternatives.

The first was this shoe, that Chris had seen but decided was better suited for maybe an elderly man with arthritis or bunions.

The second box held something quite different.

Click Read More to see what was in the second box.

CLOGS. Fucking clogs.

The moral of the story? Buy your shoes online, and stay away from salespeople who are younger than you.


Steven said...

I've owned several pairs of the first style of shoe.

Christopher said...

eeeek!! Clogs ???!! Run Chris, Run away from the clog pushers!!...