Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Weekend Update 2: First Day on Earth?


Friday night

8:30 - After good workout, drop off towel and water bottle in apartment. Grab wallet and head off to "Gristinky's" to bring back a six pack (or two) of Heineken. Approach the refrigerated beer section and scan the contents. The only Heineken bottles available are 40 ounce. No thank you. I guess we'll be drinking wine tonight, you think. Schedule trip to liquor store instead.

8:35 - Wander into freezer section, in the hopes that they have restocked their supply of Pepperidge Farm Golden Layer Cake, but find only the crappy coconut variety, as well as the dented, dusty box I'd rejected two days prior.

8:40 - Assume lack of cake is some kind of sign and pick out two navel oranges and a bunch of bananas, in lame effort to eat healthier. Instantly develop smug sense of satisfaction as you approach the cashier.

8:41 - Recognize mammoth cashier from the time you and Larry tried to cash that Coke Coupon. Pick second cashier instead.

8:43 - Wait patiently on line just behind a tall man who is purchasing a six-pack of Corona. Watch as the new cashier studies the man's face for a while before finally asking, "Can...I...see...your ID" in a very slow, unsure manner, while still staring at the man's face. Curiosity is piqued as you wonder if the man has maybe a massive uni-brow or a second set of eyes that are distracting the cashier. The customer replies, "You were thinking about it," followed by some even more awkward laughter.

8:44 - Entertain brief flashback to the time you were "carded" at this Gristedes by the most vile and sadistic cashier of all time, and, because it was obvious that she was carding you out of spite, you took it out on her by leaving the six pack of Heineken on the conveyor belt and walking out, only to returning with my ID and selecting another six-pack from the refrigerator and going to another second cashier - who didn't card me at all. The fact that this bitchy cashier disappeared soon after made me smile.

8:46 - Wonder what the qualifications for working at a cashier at Gristedes are as the man ahead of me turns around. He is obviously in his late 40s or early 50s, so the cashier's staring and confusion could only have been attributed to the fact that it is likely her first day on earth and has no concept of age at all. (Or, maybe she is a total bitch and wants to screw with his head?)

1 comment:

Vidis said...

40oz. Heinies? Never saw them! Where were they all the years as a teen when I was hanging out in the school yards of Queens drinking piss Coors Lights? Dang!

Don't worry, soon you'll be getting another supermarket in your area from what I hear :)