Thursday, March 6, 2008

Why Sure! You Can Borrow My Tape Gun

What do these things have in common?

A) front row seats to a Madonna concert, where she sits on your lap and sings to you
B) a fat pay raise and a promotion to CEO, just because
C) the sudden ability to cook - without the aid of holy water

Click Read More to find out.

Those are all ridiculous fantasies and likely to never happen. However, at least one seemingly impossible fantasy has come true.

According to a very reliable source (the building super), the Jackass on Four and his SheBeast girlfiend are M-O-V-I-N-G O-U-T.

I can't contain my excitement. I don't know what to do with myself. I considered calling them to ask if I can help them pack, but I'd be just as happy to watch them carrying their boxes to the moving van.

It just doesn't get any better than this.

5 comments: said...

LOL thats the HUGE news? Make sure u get in as much interaction as possible. She-Beast will be sorely missed on your blog. :-(

Chris said...

It's huge because I can concentrate again! You'll thank me when you're buying my New York Times Best Selling Memoir.

(P.S. - NYC is full of other SheBeasts)

Vidis said...

Man... you are so lucky!
There's a beastly Hispanic family above me that speakie no Ingleesh (bullshit, they pretend). It's three people in a studio... isn't that illegal?
Their kid I believe is autistic (which can't be good for him living crammed quarters) and they allow him to run around the hallways at all times of the night banging on things and barking.
A few times in Spanglish I've asked them kindly to refrain from the stomping, and they denied it.
One night I came home really drunk at 4am and got a good thought in my mind to wake them up. So I took a pot and pan and went outside their door and started slamming against the walls hooting like a caveman. They opened the doors with broomsticks in hand and I started screaming in drunken Spanglish "how do you like it!?" and then in English - "I can't fucking take it anymore!", smashed the wooden banister column and retreated.
A month went by and I guess they were scared shit of me so they cut it out - but lately they're acting up again.
Please Chris, send SheBeast to live above this monster family! Quick! Please! said...

Oh DEAR! lol

Chris said...


I had no idea. You poor thing! I feel bad, but I'm proud of you for taking action.

I'm happy my SheBeast is leaving, but after reading your comment, I cringe to think what will replace them.

You need to save up and buy the apartment above us.