Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Double Coupon Day
This little story will put a smile on the face of anyone sick and tired of bitchy cashiers and high prices.
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Back in December, I enrolled in My Coke Rewards with the hopes of scoring something cool, like, say, a 42-inch LCD TV or something. I was a little disappointed in the prizes offered, since most everything available was Coca Cola branded. I don't know about you, but I'd be a little embarrassed to be seen wearing a Coca Cola t-shirt, or to be caught with their toy-like Coca Cola calculator on my desk at work.
After about a month and a half of collecting codes, I redeemed my points to the tune of two 12-packs of Coke. The coupons arrived a few weeks later, but, for some reason, we had only redeemed one at Waldbaums on Long Island.
Seeing as how the remaining Coke coupon was due to expire on March 20th, I made sure to bring it with me when I took a walk with Larry over to Gristedes, current world record holders for Nastiest Cashiers Alive. Cheeseburgers were on the dinner menu and we needed a few things, like cheese, pickles, bread and a free 12-pack of Diet Coke.
At the deli counter, I was relieved to see the happy and polite Asian man there, instead of the bitter, toothless Jamaican girl who never smiles and makes me feel guilty that I dared walk into her store after she's noticed that I've been standing at the deli counter, mentally willing her to turn around.
"Do we need tomatoes?" asked Larry, picking up some on-the-vine tomatoes.
"No, we don't need tomatoes," I answered, after noticing that they cost a full dollar more per pound than they do in Astoria.
Basket of groceries in tow, we headed to the Death Valley Checkout.
Larry stood on one line, and I stood on the other, hedging our bets. Despite the fact that the cashier on my line is usually civil, Larry waved me over to his line, since it seemed to be moving faster.
The bad news was that this cashier was new, all 350 lbs of her. She attempted to scan the coupon, but it refused to be read. She put it down, then lazily scanned the 12-pack of Diet Coke, dropping it on the barcode scanner glass and knocking over our jar of pickles in the process. Had she shattered it, I'd imagine she'd blame us for it. Just visualize an elephant lifting a Chevy and looking for food underneath.
"Dis not goin through," she grunted. I wondered if this was Bitch-speak for, "I give up. Y'all is payin' full price now." She gave the coupon to the neighboring cashier who talked her through how to simply subtract the face value of the coupon, which was only $5.06. The soda was, of course, not on sale, but full price at $6.99, which meant we'd have to pay the difference.
After an eternity of watching the sloth-like cashier try to scan the remainder of the order, she was done. The total came out to $25.01. I didn't have any change in my pockets since I habitually empty them when I get home from work.
Larry didn't have any change either, so I wondered, would she forget about the penny? Or would she be a complete bitch about it and count out the 99 cents while holding up the line?
The good news is that it took her so long to count out the $4.99 that Larry was able to bag all the groceries and take back the coupon that she'd carelessly left in the bagging area.
Since he's so good at these kind of things, I'm considering pimping Larry out as a personal shopper. Ask me how!