Friday, March 28, 2008

21 Steps to Great Coffee

Dear Cuisinart Company,

I have enjoyed using your your coffee maker for over a year now. Since I've long misplaced the owners manual, I am unable to operate certain features, like the Self-Clean or automatic timer. But I did stumble across one feature that may not be in your owners manual. Self DestructTM

Let me describe how it works, for those considering purchasing this particular model:

Click Read More to continue

1. Fill machine to maximum 12-cup capacity.
2. Pour coffee into paper filter.
3. Flip switch to ON. Leave kitchen.
4. Return to kitchen five minutes later.
5. Wonder why carafe has not filled up with coffee.
6. Open top lid and discover that the water has backed up in the coffee grinds compartment causing the grinds to spill over into the water reservoir.
7. Turn machine off. Curse under breath.
8. Lift water-logged coffee grinds out of machine and drop into sink.
9. Scratch head.
10. Unplug machine, dump carafe into sink.
11. Lift machine, wipe large puddle of coffee up.
12. Gently tip machine to spill scalding hot water into sink.
13. Burn hand. Curse liberally.
14. Scratch head some more.
15. Invert machine to remove excess water.
16. Double-check that plug is removed.
17. Turn on faucet. Fill reservoir with water.
18. Dump out water, marvel at amount of coffee grinds in sink.
19. Repeat steps 17-18 until coffee grinds no longer appear in sink.
20. Allow machine to dry before plugging into wall, lest it spark a 6-alarm blaze in Times Square.
21. Blame entire fiasco on previous user.

No comments: