Monday, February 25, 2008

Weekend Update: Lost In Translation

11:00 - Trek downtown to pick up some glass for mosaic project. Spend more than double the amount expected, but stick to old proverb, "You only cry once when you buy the best." Try to believe this as you sign credit card bill.

12:30 - Stand on Queens-bound Canal Street platform with large and heavy package. Refuse to put package down, even though it gets heavier by the second. Wait an eternity for N train as several R trains whizz by.

12:45 - Notice the service advisories, taped to the columns down the platform. Waddle down platform like a woman about to drop triplets.

12:46 - Interesting! Every single service advisory was written in Chinese, with no English translation! MTA declared Complete and Total Evil.

1:02 - Wonder whatever happened to service announcements. Listen to crackle of the speakers above and cross fingers eyes (fingers are busy holding heavy package). Curse pre-recorded "pickpocket" advisory, aimed at tourists. Laugh at bizarre digitized time-stamp of "The time is now one-two" instead of "One-oh-two"

1:10 - Get on R train, getting off at 23rd Street. Decide that, if train never shows, you'll just go home.

1:15 - Get off at 23rd Street and wonder what kind of bad travel karma has befallen you.

1:20 - Cheer arrival of N train, though it is an ugly, dreaded and despised "lead sled" (shown) with zero sound insulation and flat, uncomfortable seats designed by Lego. Wonder how long it will take for these trains, which ride like they're being dragged over a cobblestone road, to be melted down for scrap metal.

Do extensive Googling to find just the perfect image for Weekend Update post that no one will read. Discover that, according to Wikipedia (I know, not reliable because anyone can edit the information) the puketastic lead sleds (technically known as the R40) are due to be scrapped this year.

Insist that they were being taken out of service on Saturday, thus the reason for the delay. Believe anything if it makes sense to my little world.


Christopher said...

I got a little distracted by the "large and heavy package" reference...bragger!

Jason Dittle said...

Hey, the site i was talking about where I made the extra $800 a month was at This Site

Chris said...

You're pathetic, Jason.

Chris said...


Did I mention that it makes it hard to walk as well? said...

I don't know how they do it, but Wikipedia stays on top of all their posts; fact checking and everything.