Thursday, January 31, 2008

Junk Fax Design 101: Health Insurance

Good Morning class. In today's Junk Fax Design session, we will focus on just what goes into an effective health "program" fax for mass-blasting all over the corporate world.

1. Fill The Page - You want to fill the entire page with text, even if it ends up looking like the coupon section of the Sunday news. Use lines and frames to enhance the "clip here" appearance.

2. Lie - No one reads the fine print at the bottom anyway, so the first few lines are where you want to lie the most, because people will believe it. Do this by including phrases like: "Everyone is accepted." Also, stupid people tend to read only bold-faced type, so make sure that the line, "This is a comprehensive non-insurance discount medical plan you can afford", reads like, "Comprehensive discount medical plan." At this point, your readers will be so excited, they won't even realize that this isn't really insurance at all.

3. Lie Some More - Promise that no physical exam is required, although applicants may be rejected for having a cold sore. Throw in random lines like "No Waiting" and "No Forms to Complete" because our research shows that those are two things people hate doing the most.

4. Convey a Sense of Urgency - Scare those without health insurance into believing that the promotion ends soon. Your targets are those who fall for the old "call within the next ten minutes" TV scam.

5. Appearance is Everything - Make sure the price is set to the largest font size on the page, just smaller than the phone number. Use graphics, as well. Old man cataract glasses, a bottle pills and a stethoscope are your best bet for drawing in the vulnerable elderly, who are most definately still working because they have no health insurance.

6. Include the Fine Print Anyway - No one will read it, but in case you happen to fax this to a law office, you'll need to cover your ass. You'll have to reveal everything here, including the fact that this is not insurance, but rather, a lame "discount program" that offers "discounts on medical services at certain health care providers who have contracted with the program." The 2 "Amazing Prices" are likely to be some kind of membership fee and a complete waste of what little money you have. The pricing goal here is to to make them vaguely about the price one would pay for actual insurance.

7. Be Mysterious - Like with the travel fax, leave no identifying characteristics, such as a company name or website address.

8. Go Global - Emphasize the fact that you speak Spanish. You need to scam target as many different cultures as possible.

(click to enlarge)

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