Friday, January 11, 2008

Do You Really Wanna Know?

Maybe it's just part of my defective, sometimes anti-social personality, but I just hate when people I don't know ask, "And how are you today?" when it's painfully obvious that they are lame telemarketers trying to sell us copy paper or something else we don't need. (Click here for my previous rant on callers)

I can't help but think, Really? Do you really want to know, caller? I guess responding with "None of your BI business," would seem a bit harsh, so I've devised a script that I'm going to keep next to the phone for just such an emergency.

Caller: How are you today?

Me: (sigh) Oh, don't ask. Horrible!

Caller: Really? I'm sorry to hear that...can I speak with the person in charge of ordering-

Me: First I woke up late, and then, the cat threw up in my shoe. I didn't have any other shoes to wear because I really can't afford to buy another pair right now and so I had to clean it out and it was still warm! GROSS! So, anyway? I was like, thirty minutes late to work. You know something? The city really needs to do something about the smelly homeless people sleeping on the subway! So gross!

...And then, I finally get there and my computer's not working! So I had to, like, run all over the office just to find my IT person only to find out that he was out today! I soooooooo need a vacation. You have no idea.

Anywho, so then, they finally fix my computer, and I have like 12 emails from my boss! Omigod, he is so high maintenance! Omigod! Oh, I shouldn't have said that--but it's true!


Hello? Anybody there?


1Letterman said...

How To Shut Down A Telemarketer

Telemarketer: Hello, how are you today?

Me: Who is this?

Telemarketer: I'm with American Aluminum Siding Sales...

Me (with great relief): Oh, THAT'S good news! I thought it was another collection agency...what are you sellin'??? I'm game!

Telemarketer: (click...dial tone...)

Chris said...

Very good! I have to use that!

Chris said...

Although, I can just hear the real persistent ones: "We offer an affordable payment plan to suit any financial situation..."

Kelly said...

That would brighten their day -someone had a story to tell them? JACKPOT!

Seifeld's response was also a good one "I'm kind of busy right now, can I have your home number so I can call you back later? ...Oh, you don't like getting calls at home?... It's annoying? Now you know how I feel! *click*"