I can't help but think, Really? Do you really want to know, caller? I guess responding with "None of your BI business," would seem a bit harsh, so I've devised a script that I'm going to keep next to the phone for just such an emergency.
Caller: How are you today?
Me: (sigh) Oh, don't ask. Horrible!
Caller: Really? I'm sorry to hear that...can I speak with the person in charge of ordering-
Me: First I woke up late, and then, the cat threw up in my shoe. I didn't have any other shoes to wear because I really can't afford to buy another pair right now and so I had to clean it out and it was still warm! GROSS! So, anyway? I was like, thirty minutes late to work. You know something? The city really needs to do something about the smelly homeless people sleeping on the subway! So gross!
...And then, I finally get there and my computer's not working! So I had to, like, run all over the office just to find my IT person only to find out that he was out today! I soooooooo need a vacation. You have no idea.
Anywho, so then, they finally fix my computer, and I have like 12 emails from my boss! Omigod, he is so high maintenance! Omigod! Oh, I shouldn't have said that--but it's true!
Hello? Anybody there?