Friday, November 16, 2007

Classified 2

I really despise the holidays and all the bullshit that goes along with them. So, in complaining to a coworker (repeatedly), she advised, "Call out sick."

But how do you get sick "on schedule"? I guess I could go around licking random doorknobs or kissing stray dogs in the street, but I really don't have that kind of time. And I might end up with something more serious than a cold.

So, it's time for another classified ad. (click Read More)


Do you get sick a lot? Are you sick right now? Have you been coughing, sneezing and spreading your cold/flu germs all over New York City? Then I need you, desperately.

Immediate position available for sick individual to give me a temporary cold or mild flu to last a few days. Looking to avoid Thanksgiving and need a credible excuse for stubborn mother.

Physical contact would need to be established on Tuesday at the latest for maximum effect. Possible forms of germ transmition could be anything from shaking your hand after you've just blown your nose, all the way to allowing you to sneeze in my face.

Willing to travel to your apartment and touch your computer keyboard or spend time in your bathroom.

If you're good looking enough, I will make out with you just to seal the deal.

Those with incurable diseases or STDs need not apply.

1 comment: said...

Betch, u know ur not missing thanksgiving!