Friday, February 2, 2007

Plastic Fantastic


I was watching one of those graphic documentaries on the Discovery channel the other night. It was all about plastic surgery. One story was about an actress in her 50's who wanted a mild facelift so that she could make a comeback after being away for several years. I kind of rooted for her and she actually looked great, because they didn't try to make her look 20 again, though I doubt I'll ever see her on TV again. She was a little too animated and that gets annoying fast.

The second story was about a gay landscaper who was feeling old (he was), so he also decided to get some work done. An eyelift and a superhero chin implant did wonders for his self esteem. Cut to a high-energy cocktail party thrown by his high-maintenance friends. I have to wonder if he's getting anymore work as a result.

The third, and most satisfying story was about a stupid, stupid woman, who at the ripe age of 46 (yes, 46) decided that she'd look rather fetching with some nice gigantic titties, despite having the body of a 65-year old. Of course, her idiot doctor just kept filling and filling those stupid fake breasts until they became so disfigured and crippling that, not only did she have limited mobility in her torso, but she had to have them surgically removed. This was after three agonizing years in pain. They were the size of basketballs and the doctors were also disgusted to see how large they were, holding them up for the cameras. And I laughed at her misery. Why the hell not? It's common sense: don't put anything large than your elbow in your ear, and don't put anything larger than your wallet in your chest.

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